NOTHING LEFT TO DO BUT DANCE


sometimes i draw things, and sometimes they might be kind of okay, but don't count on it.

currently it's mostly mspaintadventures fanart where i go by sock/sockpuppy and also maybe original characters thrown in the mix, because i have some of those.


i read all asks but i am very slow at answering them. if you want to talk add sock.puppy on skype, i am always online!

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apparently the ask box is kinda crap now

6th January 2012

i have written a lot of words today (will return to art next post i promise)

Maybe I will in the future. I’m really glad people like reading this sort of thing—glad isn’t a good word, it’s something between relieved and elated and overjoyed and a lot of adjectives thereof—because I like writing it, and the concepts behind it are concepts I am really passionate about, and I thought some people might hate me if I posted stuff like that out in the open with my name attached. I have a lot of material I can cover because I’ve thought about the biology behind a silly fictional alien species a lot, not just because I like the challenge or I have a lot of extra time on my hands, but because I’m a bio student and I’ve been using it as a sort of study aid. I’m a bad student in that I slack off on doing work a ton and I don’t actually sit down to study, but I’ve found that having a framework to apply all the things I am learning to is better than just reviewing material. I can pretty much blame this and other original projects on my marks not being abysmal.

I kinda latched onto it once the hemospectrum was introduced because people said that it was impossible and I was like well fuck that I bet I can crack it if I wanted to. I bet I could come up with a real elegant and plausible explanation for that diversity, and I could write it all up in a word document and make subtitles that are different colours, and then sit back and feel good about myself having proved some random guy on 4chan totally wrong. And you guys, you guys, I totally did it. I did it like a year ago, but it kind of snowballed into all sorts of other things like evolutionary history and symbiosis and cultural implications so I kept it to myself. And then THIS YEAR. IN SEPTEMBER. I’d let that stuff collect dust on my harddrive for a while, and I’d started thinking that it was probably bullshit that couldn’t really exist, and then, you guys, I found this frog, I found this frog who had turquoise blood for the reasons I’d mapped out a year ago and I fucking cried because holy shit holy shit I thought I pulled some stuff out of my ass but ACTUALLY IT WAS REAL AND THERE ARE REAL SPECIMENS OUT THERE THAT I WAS DESCRIBING AND I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT. It was the greatest thing, like, I have never tasted victory quite like this. AND I’M STILL… REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THAT. The word doc is still incomplete—probably because I’ve been squashing every idea I’ve had into its outline and now its vastness has become intimidating to me—but, well, it exists, and I could tell you about it, and maybe I will now that I know some people are receptive.

There are just kinda some FEELINGS and EMOTIONS in the way and stuff I’ve dealt with in my usual manner of dealing with things, which is that I don’t actually deal with them and allow them to poke me in the face while I tell everyone else that they are a) not actually there or b) shut up. Gonna try a different method this time. And wow this got a little too long and a little too close for comfort so I am gonna cover it up with a readmore. Readmores are really nice, and I’m glad they work for me even though they don’t work for anyone else.

It’s just kinda hard for me to do because I’ve never exactly had people who would humour me before, you kind of stop talking about stuff once you realise pretty much everyone around you could not give less of a fuck about it. And I get it because it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, and the scientific terminology that comes so natural to me could easily be impenetrable to most others and maybe sometimes I forget that when I talk. Like I just kind of assumed everyone reading that would know what hemophagy is already when it might not be obvious at all (though you are Homestuck fans, so you probably do know that hemo- means blood, at least). I learned that the hard way.

You know how you hear stories from artists where they were 13 and real passionate about art and they worked on this one painting for days on end thinking it was like, their magnum opus, and they were really proud of what they did, but then they showed it to their parents and their friends but nobody really cared and it crushed them? Maybe that their dad told them they should pursue something Practical in school that they could make a Career out of (like science, there’s lots of options when you choose science), instead of “wasting” it studying illustration? That’s me, but instead of a painting it’s an essay about a made-up variety of snake and the physiological effects of its venom [it was kinda bullshit, but I was 13 and it was like… a good effort, at least], and instead of getting told I should do something that will get me a good job, I was told I should capitalise on whatever artistic skill I have and what I actually wanted to do was treated like the “backup plan.” And it still kinda is, really. It’s like the whole thing’s come full circle, as if everybody just expects anyone who can draw always wants to be able to make a living off of it, and they’re always under intense societal pressure to do something else, so now there’s pressure coming from the other direction to counteract it. I guess cause you’ve still got the egghead scientist stereotype floating around, and nobody wants their child to grow up to a colourless, calculating, boring adult.

But dang I just don’t get how anyone could think the study of life in all its forms and the network connecting them all could ever be colourless and dull. Or how you could appreciate natural beauty when you don’t know or care about how that tree came to be, why it is the way it is, that its simple presence there has affected so many other things, how it’s not just part of a larger living ecosystem but an ecosystem in itself. And it’s just. It’s really fascinating and humbling and beautiful, and I have a lot of feelings about it that I can’t communicate properly. Some people get weepy at paintings or architecture or books, and I get weepy thinking about trees. I think to most people that’s going to sound really weird, but that’s okay I guess.

Lately I’ve realised I was a weird-ass kid who sometimes did weird-ass things and most of it can be traced back to this overwhelming innate love for the natural world. Even the bad stuff like the completely irrational sense of dread I had/have over stupid doomsaying apocalypse prophecies like 2012 and similar shit that I know is totally fake. I don’t think I’ve really told anyone about this before except some random dude on omeagle this one time. It’s been a really private thing for me for a long, long while and I’m a private person but at the same time I just really want to talk everyone’s face off about it. I don’t want to keep everything to myself!! It’s frustrating as hell. But if I did, I mean, everyone would know that my horoscope is actually accurate and I really am the most sensitive of sensitive little cupcakes. Also that I care deeply and intensely about stuff that your average person seems to find dull, boring and nonsensical. That would be, like, super embarrassing. I would basically be bearing my soul to them and the times I have done it before I was kinda rejected, because to them it’s just an interest that’s a bit lame and I probably didn’t articulate to them that actually it’s pretty much everything to me, it’s what courses through my veins and what makes up every fiber of my being. Obviously the speculative biology stuff is just a game, a really nerdy type of fiction, but you know. People acting superficially interested in what you like but say “haha I just kind of tuned you out, I’m not really interested in that sort of stuff, I don’t get it” when you explain something to them —after they’ve asked you to, specifically, because the last thing you want to do is force unwilling people to listen to you jabber on about the theory of evolution— is like a stingray barb to the chest. Especially when they are friends and family! It feels bad, guys.

So I’ve just kind of learned not to be open about the things I am actually passionate about. But it kinda sucks the biggest dong so I don’t want to anymore, which I guess is why I’m going to post this to a public place where literally anyone can read it, reblog it and unfollow me if they come to the conclusion that I’m a huge tool after reading this. I’m not gonna be surprised if I lose a few people for it, but maybe that’s undue pessimism because I expected a micro exodus after posting xenobiology fanfiction but nothing happened.

I dunno.

I guess I just wanted people to know I actually kind of have a lot of emotions. I don’t really have any personal posts on here because I often feel uncomfortable talking about myself and I don’t want to spam anyone’s dash or make you guys feel uncomfortable, but, yeah, I dunno. I hope I haven’t just done any of those things for anyone.

Tagged: Anonreply postlet me tell you a storyabout me this timeblah blah blahbiology

  1. sqbr reblogged this from luzerna and added:
    certainly haven’t lost...follower here. Also...your blog,...
  2. ghostfodder said: No, this isn’t annoying at all! I think almost everyone has at least one pet subject that they could talk about for hours, and it’s always great knowing someone is actually listening. I think these biology posts are fascinating!
  3. puddingknight said: good words :>
  4. luzerna posted this